Picking your Maid of Honor, Without Pissing Everyone Off

normal_will-you-be-my-bridesmaid-guest-sayingPhoto courtesy of Not on the High Street

Ok. The title for this post was a bit of a lie. The first thing you learn about wedding planning is that almost any decision you make will, undoubtedly, piss someone off. If you accept that now, life will be much, much easier.

One decision that is often anxiety inducing is the choice of who to pick as your maid of honor. If you have an unmarried sister that you’re incredibly close to, then lucky you! The decision should be pretty easy. If you don’t, be ready for a lot of unsolicited advice on who should stand beside you as you say “I do.”

Traditional wedding etiquette says that your Maid of Honor should be your closest, unmarried sister. If you have a sister and have a strong enough relationship for her to be your MOH, then you can probably stop here. (I would also consider cousins or other female relatives as well.) Although not without it’s own challenges, almost everyone will agree it makes sense.

But, if you don’t, the choice might not be easy for your friends and family to accept, even if it’s a no-brainer for you. Here are five important questions to ask yourself, when making your choice.

Is she someone I consider a real friend?
Now, choosing among friends can be a bit tricky. Be sure to choose someone you’re actually close to. Your wedding day is not the time for frien-emies like Kirsten Dunst in the Bachelorette. Pick someone who you really like and who really likes you. You’ll be depending on them for a lot between now and W-Day, so follow your heart.Also, don’t feel obligated to choose  someone, just because they chose you for their wedding.

Can she do the job?
If your BFF just made a huge cross country move, just went through a divorce, had a baby or is otherwise preoccupied with life, she may not be able to make your wedding priority numero uno. Be upfront about your expectations and let her honestly tell you if she can live do the job. If not, there’s no shame in that. Chances are she’ll feel bad about not being able to be there for you, but  you can offer her another role in the wedding that isn’t quite as intense.

Is she drama free?
The first rule of MOH-ing is “Don’t stress out the bride.” You’ll be stressed out enough during your wedding planning. You’ll have your hands full trying to keep your own sanity and you probably won’t have the time or energy to be talking your MOH off the ledge. If she’s someone who doesn’t handle stress very well or who constantly needs to be the center of attention, you may want to pick a more level-headed friend, instead.

Is she organized?
This question really should be, does she know her way around an Excel spread sheet? Because, between organizing bridal shower invitations, helping with seating charts and generally being your right hand woman, you’re going to need someone organized, to help carry the weight.

Is she available?
Oh yeah. Can she make the wedding and all related events? I often find this more of an issue with groomsmen than bridesmaids, but it’s still very important. If your wedding is close to her due date or during an especially busy time at work, you may need to adjust your expectations or havea backup, just in case.

If you have lots of real friends that fit the bill, you are one blessed lady! What you can do now is explain to them that the decision was really tough, but you have to pick one (if they’re really your friends, they’ll understand) OR…

You can pull a Queen Elizabeth and make all of your lovely ladies Maids of Honor, like she did for her Coronation.

The Queen's maids of honour (left-right): Lady Moyra Campbell, Lady Anne Glenconner, Lady Rayne, Lady Mary Russell, Baroness Willoughby de Eresby and Lady Rosemary Muir

Source

Whatever you decide, don’t let anyone guilt you into changing your mind or bully you out of your decision. Your day. Your choice.

-native and posh

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